Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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