i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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