somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
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