Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize