Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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