it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do vagina's smell?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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