I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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