A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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