I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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