I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize