i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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