My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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