Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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