once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize