Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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