My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
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