i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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