The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Michael Bay diarrhea
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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