sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize