Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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