he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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