When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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