I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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