I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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