I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
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She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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