I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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