I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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