time to smoke my breakfast
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We smell like vodka and hangover
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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