also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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