Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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