im about as happy as oj after his trial
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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