i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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