I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize