I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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