This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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