I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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