when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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