then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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