now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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