I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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