smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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