Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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