And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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