good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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