Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize