If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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