So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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