it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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