Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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