I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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